Finding Your Voice
Go home Pam! Go home!
That is what I heard my dad say when I went to go visit him at his gravesite.
I don’t usually hang out at his gravesite because:
A — There is no such as death.
And B — I don’t need to visit a tombstone to go be with him or talk to him. I hold him right in the palm of my hands.
As they say, Home is where the heart is and I carry his eternity with me wherever I go. Now sometimes, he’s busy in other dimensions but most times, he’s there and I get a good dial tone.
For those of you who don’t know me.
I AM PAM. Or PAM I AM.
I AM A GIANT.
I CREATE GIANTS.
Yes.
I emerge Giants from the depths of shadows and darkness when they rest.
At times, I am like a tiny bird. I whisper great cosmic secrets into their ears — during busy dinner parties. Countless meetings. Or when they are sipping their morning chai.
“Wake up…” I say. As if this life were merely a dream.
And at first people may not know what that means…but then it keeps coming through like a ringing in the ear. Or on the sides of trucks. Like a banner at a bus stop or a song you find deep resonance with playing on your car radio.
And you ask yourself…hmmm.
And that’s when the ground starts to shake. Rumble.
And that tiny voice now turns into a Roar.
And a Tsunami’s emerges.
I awaken the GOD-zilla within. Or Gojira in Japanese.
This unapologetic being who wakes up from a signal. A calling. And unapolgetically goes after what he wants.
For me Godzilla was always the greatest neutralizer of energies.
He was the greatest force of nature to be reckoned with.
And he wasn’t out to just destory things, no… he was out to kill the parasites — the MUTO of the world!
Same goes with King Kong — a gentle GIANT misunderstood by many. Humans especially. Then shot down by fear and ignorance.
What was the first word King Kong learned how to say in sign language — BEAUTIFUL.
Do you know how to say Beautiful in ASL?
You open the palm of your hand and wrap your fingers around your face and bring it to a point by your chin.
Your FACE is beautiful. You are beautiful.
I think nowadays more than ever it can be tough to find ones own unique voice or navigate through the worlds of voices:
Which one is yours? All versions of you.
Will it be judged? Who cares!
Does it change? Yes it does!
Like Michelangelo you’re just chipping away at the negative and positive space to smooth out the rough edges, rid yourself of that which doesn’t belong to unfold the beautiful masterpiece that is you. And isn’t that beautiful?
We are taking fragmented version of ourselves and posting pictures, or videos, and versions of our multi-dimensional self — holding ourselves accountable to an everchanging, everevolving growth pattern.
So which one are you when growth is ever changing?
Can you be all and none at the same time?
So which frame are you?
The 1st frame or 10th?
Well how about this.
THEY ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSION OF YOU!
#I AM BEAUTIFUL
So what does it mean to be your true authentic self when your self is constantly changing. Ever growing.
Well believe it or not.
I recently discovered a formula I would like to share with you!
It’s called — (EVOL)UTION.
An evolution in love joined by a union.
How is it done?
One step at a time, Pam. They say. One step at a time.
By starting with bat at hand and getting up to plate.
Dust the old sneakers off and hold palms sweaty to bat.
You squeeze the bat to let off some steam and nerves.
People around you may heckle from the sidelines but pay no attention to them because that’s where they always sit and you learned to tune them out anyway. Pay attention to the fans cheering you on, they came too you know!
A fuzzy noise may enter your ears like a pop of an airplane taking off.
The pitcher does his moves to try to throw you off your game by sending his hand signals to the catcher. But you’re not looking at him.
No. You’re not.
You’re looking at the ball! It’s the only thing that matters.
And so the pitcher throws!
It leaves the outer edges of his fingertips.
You swing. Smack!
Fowl.
You were just testing your swing anyway. Right? You kick the dirt around to release some steam and hit the corner of your shoe with your bat. Getting into position again.
Next pitch. You tell yourself. Next pitch. The self pep talk begins.
He throws another pitch.
This time. You don’t swing.
Ball. The Umpire calls.
You knew it wasn’t yours anyway. Everyone gets back into play.
Now this time. Everyone fades to black.
This is yours, you think.
You can feel it. There’s something different about this one.
Even before the ball leaves the pitcher’s hand you can feel it. An ambiance. This is it!
I felt this once during a game. Intuition I call it. It makes no sense ‘rationally’ but like Malcolm Gladwell’s book BLINK. That’s all it really takes!
I felt this during my games and when I read his book I was like — that’s it! That’s what I felt!
I can’t describe it but in a FRACTION of a moment. I could tell which ball was mine.
And so, back to the story.
He pitches.
You swing.
CRACK!
You hit a home run and send your team flying! Or you hit an outfield and send your team off to advance in their bases. Both are exciting!
And as you run your bases you’re too busy being in the moment — celebrating.
This is where I think to myself of one of the greatest fallacy on Earth — “Perfection.” Perfection — define — a state of being that doesn’t exist.
A lot of professional atheletes battle with perfection and scores. It helps to improve your game but it’s not about winning. Although that is nice - lol. It’s about becoming. Because at the end of the day it’s not about the trophies or medals but the betterment of your game. Your teamates. The bonds you build. Community spirit. Sportsmanship. And being a Champion of Hearts. Most importantly — yours.
Perfection is what I like to call — a fear based model containing the false premise that everything must be of look, smell, taste a certain way before you ever get up to bat!
And now well, if you don’t swing you’ve just short circuited your brain before anything ever happened! And what’s the fun in that?
So what happens next?
After you nose dive home with your teamates!
Why you chest pump your friends of course!
HOORAY!!!!!
And get up all in there! Hug it out!
And then next day or the day after that.
You go to practice again.
And practice.
And practice the vibration that is you.
The becoming you.
The multifaceted you.
This beautiful (EVOL)UTION of beauty in motion that is you!
Did you get that?
You’re beauty in motion.
Like a ballet dancer you move frame by frame.
But how do you get to the ‘other’ frame.
You move!
So whether you fowl out.
Or strike out.
Or just make it first base and wipe the dust off your clothes.
Well at least your playing the game.
You’re feeling the rush of being alive.
Of being on a team — A team that celebrates each other’s accomplishments.
And you grab your bat off the shelf and hover over homeplate for the love of the game. The love of the team. The joy of playing. The joy of dusting off your knees and getting back in again.
And isn’t it a magnificient time to be alive right now?
To be on Earth?
And isn’t Earth magnificent because YOU live in it?
The whole cosmos conspired for you to play in it!
So…because of you, I grow.
I take what I learn and I grow.
CRACK — Home Run!
Best Regards,
PAM I AM
The toucan found her voice again.
PS — Love you Dad.
